Radical Forgiveness

To truly forgive is to engage in radical forgiveness. What does that mean? It has to do with the recognition of error or sin as entirely human and even universal. This is what Jesus meant when he said that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Many people think that forgiveness is some kind of generosity toward sinners. People sin, and we see it as purposeful, yet we decide to grant a suspension of bad feelings toward that person. In other words, they knowingly and willingly did evil, but we are so good and generous that we stop condemning them - even though we would never do such a thing. What arrogance!

Even most Christians do not really remember nor understand the words of Jesus: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" In reality, we can only morally condemn others when we hold ourselves as morally superior. Forgiveness is not a generosity of soul towards others, but a recognition that we sin too - that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

What is Forgiveness?

To understand true forgiveness, we have to acknowledge our own failings - there is no other way. If you pretend that you are perfect, then you cannot understand the imperfection of others. When you understand that you have made mistakes - that you have sinned - then you can start to forgive.

Think back for a moment to anything in your past that you now call a mistake. This can be an action against others, whether a theft, a lie, or even something as simple as a rude comment. It can be a belief that was wrong and could have lead to harmful consequences - something that you have now changed your mind about. Now try to recall if you did this thing or believed in that idea because you desired to do evil.

Chances are good that even prior to the worst thing you have done in your life you do not recall waking up and thinking to yourself, "How will I do evil today?" Think back and you will see that you acted and thought from ignorance, from pain, and perhaps from mistaken ideas about how people "deserved" what pain you caused them. I suspect that you will never recall a time when you made a mistake because you considered the options and decided that you wanted to be evil. And yet evil is sometimes what you have done and what you will do.

What reason could you possibly have for thinking that others are somehow unlike you, and that they chose to do evil in full knowledge of the evil they were doing at the moment they were doing it? The only thing that explains this is the blindness to your own failings and the ignorance, pain and mistaken ideas that they came from. See this truth, and forgiveness of others is no longer a matter of generosity, but a simple recognition of human frailty. We all fail.

Radical forgiveness, then, gets to the root of the matter, which is what radical means. It gets to the truth of what we call evil, which is that all people - even those we call good and those we call ourselves - are capable of acting out of pain, out of bad ideas and beliefs, and out of ignorance. When you see the pain or ignorance on your own actions and thoughts - and the regrets, sadness and consequences that result - you cannot help but forgive and feel for those "other" humans who are just as flawed as you.

Radical forgiveness does not excuse the sin - evil is evil, and should be seen as such. And it does not mean that we should ignore the danger from those who are most trapped in their ignorance and pain. It simply means that we can see - if we want to - the truth of their common humanity, and the truth that but for the grace of God or insight or whatever you want to call it - we could be there too.

And now to the practical side of radical, forgiveness: If you still cannot get past the condemnatory feelings you have towards those who sin, think of the wrongs committed by those who you love - your mother, your father, your brother, your son or daughter. You forgive and love them still, for all their flaws. Think of that, and the fact that even those who do the greatest evil are someone's mother, father, brother or daughter.

To forgive is not a gift to the sinner - it is an embracing of the truth.

Note: I don't like to add to these posts after the fact, preferring to leave them as my thoughts at the time, whether or not my thinking later changes. But in this case I have to add one more thought: To forgive - in the ordinary way the word is used - is arrogant - a claim of moral superiority. To "give" forgiveness implies prior condemnation. Perhaps radical forgiveness does not involving forgiving at all. It might mean to never condemn in the first place, and then there is no need to forgive.